


handling myself

by achilleees



Series: five/diego UST+seduction first time fics (the best niche genre) [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), M/M, Sex Pollen, Sexual Tension, Sibling Incest, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 04:14:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19899658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achilleees/pseuds/achilleees
Summary: Five pressed his lips together. “I advise against… touching them with your bare hands,” he said, taking the pills out of his pocket and dropping them into Diego’s gloved palm. “It would be unwise.”In the light streaming from the Academy windows, Diego could see the sheen of sweat on his skin, trickling down his temple.“Oh my god,” Diego said, starting to laugh.





	handling myself

**Author's Note:**

> an anon requested 'aged-up!five/diego sex pollen' on tumblr literally two months ago and i finally got around to writing it. it's my third in a niche enough fic series that i got around to marking it as such, because who doesn't love their five/diego with heaping amounts of sexual tension, hmm?
> 
> anon: if you're still paying close enough attention to find this, i commend you on your patience, sorry for the delay. hope it scratches your itch!
> 
> post fixing the apocalypse, ignore the details that got them to that point. five's body is ~20ish.
> 
> much thanks to Electra_XT and bismuthBallistics for being fantastic betas with legitimately helpful criticism.

Diego had checked over his shoulder some five or six times and there was no one there, but the feeling of being watched didn’t go away. The back of his neck itched, skin prickling at the phantom sensation of foreign eyes locked on him.

It was almost a relief when he turned the seventh time and found a figure standing right behind him, arms crossed.

“Oh, fuck you,” Diego said. “Did you follow me here?”

“At least I fit in,” Five said, gesturing around at the university campus. “No one that sees you is going to harbor any illusion you belong here.”

Diego looked around. They were tucked into a hidden alcove – not entirely out of view of the street, but enough that someone would have to be paying close attention to notice them. None of the students that were walking by seemed to be paying particularly close attention to anything but walking in a relatively straight line, being that it was two in the morning on a Saturday and the bars were closing.

“What’s your point?”

“My point is, aren’t you above this petty shit?” Five said. “This seems somewhat below your pay grade.”

“My pay grade is kicking criminal ass, there’s no above or below,” Diego said. “You going to be helpful and let me in, or what?”

Without answering, Five warped out of view. A second later, the window opened from the inside.

“What are you even doing here?” Diego said, hoisting himself in.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Five said. “I’m not seeing any criminal ass to speak of.”

“Building’s being used as a drop point for a narcotics operation,” Diego said. “I’ve heard rumors they’ve got some heavy new drug coming down the pipeline, I wanna see for myself.”

“Where does the kicking criminal ass part come in?” Five said.

Diego scowled at him. “I’m doing recon so I don’t go in blind when I do get around to the kicking of criminal ass. Do you need something?”

“What does the drug do?”

Diego hesitated.

“Diego,” Five said.

“My source wasn’t specific,” Diego hedged.

“Funny, Klaus told me it was an aphrodisiac,” Five said.

Fucking Klaus. He just had to keep running his fat mouth. “If you already know, why are you bothering to ask?” Diego sped up.

“The whole thing just seems very low-stakes for someone who fancies himself to be a big-time vigilante,” Five said, breaking into a trot to keep up with Diego’s longer strides. “We’re on a college campus, small surprise they’re marketing hopped-up E to the youth.”

“Aphrodisiacs this powerful aren’t just used as club drugs,” Diego said. “This kind of shit gets synthesized for sex trafficking, to make the victims more amenable. Maybe I’m less okay with that than you are.”

Five grimaced.

“And if this is so low-stakes, why’d you follow me?” Diego said, losing patience and spinning around to glare at Five. “We both know this is more of your overprotective bullshit, like I can’t take care of myself – like I haven’t been watching my own back for 12 years –”

“It’s not _personal,_ don’t get so defensive,” Five said, rolling his eyes. “With the Commission after us all, I have to be over-cautious.”

Diego crossed his arms. “Then how come I never catch you stalking Allison, or Luther, or the others?”

“Because they keep themselves out of trouble,” Five said. “You, for some god-forsaken reason, insist on diving right back in every time I bail you out of your latest scrape.”

“That happened _once_ ,” Diego snapped, annoyed that Five had that to hold over his head. “And what’s it going to be, Five? Is this too low-stakes or is it too dangerous? Is it personal, or isn’t it?”

“Maybe if you were actually doing something meaningful –”

Diego saw red. “I’m saving lives,” he hissed. “Maybe it’s not stopping the apocalypse – which, as I recall, you didn’t exactly succeed at yourself – but at least I’m not shilling for a credit card company or digging up fucking moon rocks.”

Five glared up at him, not backing down. “Granted, I believe that some portion of your vigilante bullshit has helped people in a micro sense,” he said. “But this? It feels like you’re reaching. You’re so desperate to be a savior you don’t bother stepping back and seeing whether you’re actually achieving it.”

Diego recoiled, stung.

Five pressed his lips together the way he did when he knew he was in the wrong. Diego recognized the expression even after so many years spent apart. It looked shockingly familiar on this older face – those big dark eyes were just the same.

“No one asked you to come,” Diego said, lip curling. “And if this is beneath me, I would think you’d appreciate that. At least then you know I can handle it.” Five clearly didn’t think Diego was capable of handling much at all.

Five let out a slow breath. “Klaus said these guys are –”

“Dangerous, yeah. I know what Klaus said,” Diego said. “I don’t need your help.”

“That remains to be seen,” Five said.

Diego snarled.

It was remarkable how much Five could get under his skin. Even Klaus - even _Luther_ – couldn’t pull it off with such ease and aplomb, but Five came waltzing in with his arrogance and his attitude and his _I’m the most competent person around_ swagger, and –

Catch Diego getting his dumb ass stuck in the apocalypse for 45 years – oh wait, you can’t. So full of shit.

Still, as far as backup went, Five could have been worse. He was quiet and careful and he made it incalculably easier to search the place without leaving evidence, since he could just pop into the rooms and open the locks from the inside.

“Here,” Five said, opening a door.

“How do you know?” Diego said. Nothing looked any different there than any of the other rooms.

“The door was reinforced with four extra deadbolts,” Five said. “Someone really didn’t want us getting in here.”

“Helpful of them to leave us a flashing neon sign,” Diego said, casting a critical eye around. If he were going to stash drugs in a random-ass school’s random-ass administrative building, where would he put them?

Ceiling, he decided, and lifted himself onto a desk, knocking on the ceiling tiles until he found one that made a heavier, solid sort of sound.

From the door, Five stiffened. “Someone’s coming.”

“Probably a night watchman,” Diego said, unconcerned, stretching up on his toes to move the tile. “It’ll take him some time to get this far.”

Five eased the door closed and hurriedly redid all the locks. “Just grab it and let’s go.”

Diego glared at him. “Is bitching at me helping, do you think? Make yourself useful and get over here.”

Five teleported up onto his shoulders, and Diego grunted at the sudden weight, stumbling a bit before he regained his balance.

Five could easily reach up into the gap, and he started fumbling with something up there.

The footsteps in the hallway were getting closer. “You got it?” Diego said.

“Hang on,” Five said distractedly. Something rustled.

“What are you doing?” Diego said.

“I can’t take a whole bag, they’d notice. I’m just grabbing a few of the loose pills,” Five said. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Just hurry up,” Diego said.

“Hang on!” Five said.

“You’re the one who –” Diego lowered his voice as the footsteps reached the door and paused. Keys jingled outside, and someone started to open the various locks.

“I have to –” Five moved the ceiling tile back into place.

Diego grabbed for a knife with one hand, stabilizing Five’s legs with the other. He raised the knife as the door opened –

And a vise clenched around his chest as the world shimmered blue around him. When his vision cleared, they were outside.

Five nimbly hopped off his shoulders. “Are we going or what?”

Diego didn’t think about it until they were in his car heading home. Then he asked, “How’d you follow me, anyway?”

“You make it so easy,” Five said. “You’re not as sneaky as you think you are.”

If he were Klaus, he would have made some reference to Diego’s so-called ninja cosplay, but Five was the only one of his siblings who never talked shit about his wardrobe, and Diego had noticed. Probably because Five himself got enough shit for his nerd-prep attire. At least he’d stopped wearing the uniform when he’d managed to age himself up.

“So what, you tailed my car?” Diego said.

Five nodded, gazing out the window. His knee was jiggling, drawing Diego’s attention momentarily.

He tore his gaze up. “I really wasn’t going to get up to anything tonight,” Diego said. “My plan was always just to get intel. I wasn’t going in blind, guns blazing.”

“Guns?”

“Knives blazing doesn’t sound right,” Diego said.

Five half-smiled.

“I can handle myself,” Diego said. “I’m still alive, aren’t I?”

“Barely,” Five said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Five turned, reaching up to touch the scar across Diego’s temple. His hand was warm, even hot, and it shook a little as he drew it back.

“Oh, that was nothing,” Diego said. “You think that was bad, you should see some of my gunshot wounds.”

“Not the reassurance you seem to think it is,” Five said.

“Not the point,” Diego said. He wasn’t sure what was, but he couldn’t say that.

Five sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. His knee was still jiggling. “Like it or not, I’m capable of things you aren’t. If this is more of your insecure Number 2 bullshit…”

Diego ground his teeth.

“It doesn’t always have to be a statement about your inferiority,” Five said. “Sometimes it’s just easier to admit there are things you aren’t qualified for.”

“Go fuck yourself,” Diego said, smiling genially.

“Do you always have to be so proud?” Five said, unimpressed.

“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you.”

Five tugged at his collar. His eyes were shiny in the dim light. “I’m not –”

“You’re not what, completely incapable of admitting you’re wrong? Sure,” Diego said. “Dude, are you alright?”

Five snapped his gaze over, visibly agitated. “I’m fine,” he gritted out.

“Okay,” Diego said slowly. “Anyway, you’re full of shit.”

“I’m…” Five blinked hard, shaking his head as if to clear his gaze. “What was the original point, again?”

“That I can handle myself,” Diego said.

“Was that it?” said Five, rubbing his hand over his face. “Right.”

Diego would have pressed more, but they were pulling up at the Academy. “I take it I’m dropping you off here?”

“Yes,” Five said. “Thank you.” He started to climb out of the car.

“Whoa, hold up,” Diego said, leaning over the gear shift and grabbing his sleeve before he could get far. “Gimme the pills, I need to get them to the lab.”

“Oh, right,” Five said, and started to reach for his pocket. Halfway there, he froze, eyes going big.

“What?”

“Oh,” Five breathed out.

“What?” Diego said again impatiently.

Five pressed his lips together. “I advise against… touching them with your bare hands,” he said, taking the pills out of his pocket and dropping them into Diego’s gloved palm. “It would be unwise.”

“Why?” Diego said.

Five tugged against Diego’s hand, still gripping onto his sleeve. In the light streaming from the Academy windows, Diego could see the sheen of sweat on his skin, trickling down his temple.

“Oh my god,” Diego said, starting to laugh.

Five scowled and warped out of his grip, and just like that he was gone.

Diego was sorely tempted to go inside just to mock Five ruthlessly. The utter hilarity of him lecturing Diego about not being able to handle his own shit, then getting himself doped by a powerful aphrodisiac because he’d insisted on butting into Diego’s business…

It was almost too delicious. The amount he had it coming, holy Christ.

But Diego figured he was asking for trouble rubbing it in, and there was something almost _more_ satisfying about taking the high road and leaving Five to stew in his own bad decisions.

Life was good. Diego decided he deserved to grab some tacos on the way home.

He dropped off the pills with Melissa at the lab, slipping them to her at the back door as usual. He took care to warn her about skin contact, and she whistled as she lifted them to her face.

“The potency of these things must be off the charts,” she said. “I can’t wait to run some tests and see what they’re made of.”

“Based on what you’ve heard, any educated guesses about how long it’ll last?”

“Well, the rumors say… But they’re so unbelievable,” Melissa said.

“Trust me, I’ve heard weirder,” Diego said with feeling.

Melissa chuckled. “Fair. The rumors say once they trigger in your system, it doesn’t just wear off on its own. It needs to get… dealt with.”

“Dealt with how?” Diego said, then felt stupid about it when she shot him a look and mimed pumping her hand in the air. “Right. That’s all it takes?”

She nodded. “Enough times to flush it out. Once isn’t going to cut it.”

“Right,” Diego said. An image occurred to him – Five frantically stripping his cock in his room, his chest already coated in splatters of come, exhausted and sore and still unable to keep his hands off himself, coming himself _dry_ and still needing more.

He blinked the thought away. It felt wrong to think about, more because Five was always so buttoned up and proper than any guilt over having dirty thoughts about his brother. “Right,” he said again. “Keep me posted, I’m curious about the results.”

“Will do,” she said. She glanced over her shoulder. “I should go. Thanks, Zorro.”

“I told you to stop –” Diego started to say, but she’d already closed the door by the time he finished, “– calling me that.”

He stopped by the Academy the next day, because there was only so long he could take the high road and he was ready for some prime schadenfreude. He found Luther and Vanya talking in the living room. It looked like one of their Talks, the kind Allison had mandated after everything had gone down. Diego fully intended to sidle past without interrupting until Luther hailed him.

“Diego.”

Diego leaned in the doorway. “Sup?”

“Just saying hello,” Luther said. He was making more of an effort these days with all of them. The leaderly thing to do, Diego supposed.

“And a hearty _how do you do_ to you as well, big guy,” Diego said. “Five around?”

“No,” Luther said, while Vanya said at the same time, “Yes.”

Diego raised an eyebrow.

“I haven’t seen him all day,” Luther said.

“I think he’s been shut up in his room,” Vanya said. “I tried knocking earlier and he said he was busy.”

Diego grinned. “I’ll check on him,” he said. “You go back to your Oprah moment.”

Neither of them bothered responding to that.

Diego didn’t bother knocking, just dug out his lockpicks and got to work. He expected Five to protest earlier, and it wasn’t until he swung the door open that he saw why.

Five was asleep. His clothes were strewn over the room – Five _abhorred_ a mess – and he had a thin sheet draped over his waist, as if to preserve his decency. It was a fair enough effort, but there was something almost more erotic about the image than if he’d been fully nude. Like fishnets, lingerie, a skirt with a slit up the thigh… the feeling of getting away with something, the wink, the tease.

He slept on his belly, and when Diego walked closer he found Five glistening with sweat, his skin flushed rosily, fingers twisted in the sheets by his head.

Evidently, he hadn’t flushed it out yet.

“Five,” Diego said.

Five stirred with an unhappy murmur.

“Five.” Diego brushed his fingers over Five’s shoulder.

With a great hitch of breath, Five jolted like he’d been shot, huge eyes swinging up to meet Diego’s. “Oh, fuck you,” he said when he recognized Diego.

Diego chuckled. “You have a good night? Go through all the tissues in the house yet?”

“Now you’re just being smug,” Five grumbled.

“No shit I’m smug, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Diego said.

Five sat up, sheets pooling at his waist. “What are you even doing here? I can handle this shit on my own.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Diego said, dropping his gaze pointedly downward.

Five flushed, but refused to shift with what appeared to be immense effort.

Diego chuckled. “Seriously, though, what’s the hold-up here? Are you really too stubborn to jerk off?”

“It doesn’t work,” Five said.

Diego knew Five had a different sort of sex drive than most people – that to him, sex was more of a chore, a biological necessity. This was insane, though.

“Your dick works fine, just –” Diego mimed the same pumping motion Melissa had.

“It doesn’t _work_ ,” Five bit out. “Nothing happens.”

“What do you mean, nothing happens?”

“I mean, I’m hard as fucking diamond but I can’t bring myself off,” Five said. “It doesn’t… go anywhere.”

The earlier image in Diego’s head transformed – Five was still frantically stripping his cock, still exhausted and sore, but his cock was an angry purple-red in his hand and he was desperate with frustration, near tears from over-sensitivity, lips bitten red and raw. It was even hotter, and felt even more invasive to consider, though Diego couldn’t put words to the reason why.

“Oh,” Diego said. “So you need someone else.”

Five furrowed his brow.

“I mean, I’m just guessing here, but – try getting off with someone else,” Diego said. “Pick up a girl and get her mouth on you and see if it helps.”

Five considered this.

“Also, the amount you had this coming,” Diego started to say.

Five scowled and warped out of the room. A few rooms over, a shower started running.

Diego chuckled as he left.

Diego ran into Klaus on his way out, so instead of the quick exit he intended, he found himself caught up in a deeply confusing story about a runaway bride and a mafia entanglement. He’d missed whether it was a movie or an actual event from Klaus’s life.

“And _then_ she starts quoting _The Graduate_ ,” Klaus was saying. “What’s the line?”

“What line?” Diego said. “Plastics?”

“No, the line at the end of _The Graduate_ ,” Klaus said. “When they’re on the bus, at the very end.”

“There is no line.”

Klaus rolled his eyes. “Ugh, you know what I’m talking about. The line!”

“They don’t say anything on the bus at the end,” Diego said. “There are no lines.”

“You’re joking, right?” Klaus said. “The iconic line!”

Diego furrowed his brow. “Are _you_ joking?” he said, genuinely confused. “There are famously no lines in the last scene of _The Graduate_.”

“Is this, like – are you gaslighting me?” Klaus said.

“You’re gaslighting me!” Diego said.

Klaus narrowed his eyes. “When I remember the line, you’re going to feel like a fool,” he said.

Diego groaned.

“Five, what’s the line from _The Graduate_?” Klaus asked.

“How many times do I have to remind you that I grew up in an apocalyptic wasteland?” Five said, coming down the stairs. “Not catching a lot of film screenings.”

“Ugh, must you always be such a colossal downer?” Klaus said.

Diego looked at Five. He was still flushed, glassy-eyed, sweaty – but he’d done a Texas tuck, so at least his dick wasn’t jutting out. “Heading out?”

“If he gets a ride, I get one too,” Klaus said quickly.

“I don’t need a ride,” Five said. “I can handle this myself.”

“Oh, so it’s okay when you say it?” Diego said, amused.

Klaus looked between them. “What am I missing?”

“Nothing,” Five growled.

“Nothing at all,” Diego said with a grin.

“Hmmm,” Klaus said, looking between them with narrowed eyes. “I still need a ride, though.”

Diego was feeling nice enough that he just agreed.

Diego was back in his own place later that night, poking at some onions and peppers frying in a pan, when he felt a familiar tingle on the back of his neck.

He turned. “You really need to stop doing that,” he said, when he found Five seated on his broken down sofa. “How’d it go?”

“Not well,” Five said.

Diego groaned, turning back to his dinner. “Kid, you’re cute as hell, it just can’t be that hard to find someone to let you dick them.”

“I’m glad you see it that way,” Five said, and teleported again so he was seated up on the counter next to the hot plate.

Diego looked at him warily, cued more by his tone than his words. “…Why?”

“I’ve been thinking,” Five said.

“Those words coming out of your mouth have literally never ended well for me,” Diego said.

“Depending on your definition of _ending well_ …”

“Oh, hell no,” Diego said, realizing in a rush.

Five pouted. There was no other way to describe that look on his face. “Why not?”

“Just, Christ, so many reasons?”

“Lay them out for me,” Five said.

“What, so you can argue me down?” Diego said, scraping the onions and peppers into a bowl. “I don’t have to justify shit to you, man.” He cracked a few eggs into the hot pan.

“Is it the age thing? The brothers thing?”

“Nah,” Diego said, because he didn’t really care about either of those. Five was older than Diego was even if he looked 20, and they weren’t brothers in any normal sense of the term.

Five looked surprised.

“Aw, you had your arguments all lined up, didn’t you?” Diego said. “Sorry to burst your bubble, kid.”

“I’ve… prepared some discussion points,” Five said.

Diego laughed, so fond of this little dork.

“Hear me out,” Five said stubbornly. “This is a practical matter for me. My body has been compromised and I need to neutralize the poison.”

“True,” Diego agreed.

“I wouldn’t feel comfortable having sex with a teenager, given…” Five gestured to himself. “But I also wouldn’t feel comfortable sleeping with a 60 year old, given what it would signify about any 60 year old willing to fuck me.” He made a face.

“Makes sense,” Diego said, rolling his fixings up into a tortilla to eat.

“You know me, you know the situation, and you’re capable of being practical about this sort of matter,” Five said. “I also know you won’t get all weird about it, which is more than I can trust from Klaus or Vanya.”

“Valid points.”

“And Delores trusts you, and would be amenable to the arrangement.”

“Flattering, I’m sure.”

Five looked at him eagerly. “So you’ll do it?”

“Nope,” Diego said through a mouthful of burrito.

Five huffed. “Why?”

“Because of – and I cannot express this enough – but holy shit, the amount that you deserve this,” Diego said.

Five kicked him.

Diego shook with laughter. “You think I’m gonna be so grateful you’ll let me suck your dick? Oh, wait, I’m your best option because Delores isn’t threatened by me? Jesus Christ, what a goddamned honor!”

“You’re such an asshole,” Five said.

“You can suck your own dick, Mr. I’m Capable of Things You Aren’t,” Diego said, taking another huge bite. “You tell me how that goes.”

“I am going to strangle you,” Five said.

“Ooh, sorry, not my kink,” Diego said. “You could try Klaus?”

Five normally had a fairly terrifying glare for such an angelic face, but it lost all intended menace from how feverishly aroused he still looked. “Seriously? You’re not going to help me because you’re still pouting about what I said before?”

“I’m not pouting, I just think you deserve this,” Diego said. He stuffed the last bite of his burrito into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. “Or… I’ll tell you what.”

Five made a face at his eating habits.

“If you admit that I can handle myself better than you can, that I’m capable of things you aren’t, and that you need my help more than I need yours, I’ll jerk you off,” Diego said.

Five recoiled, eyes narrowed, though there was no hiding the wide-blown dilation of his pupils. “You’re shitting me.”

“Those are my terms,” Diego said. “Take it or leave it.”

“I’m not saying that,” Five said.

“What were you saying before about how I’m too proud?” Diego said, sing-song.

“I’m not saying that,” Five said again.

Diego reached down and casually twisted Five’s nipple, visibly peaked even through his button-down shirt.

Five’s whole body seized up so intensely Diego wondered if he’d come just like that, then he punched Diego in the throat and warped out.

Totally worth it, Diego thought, wheezing.

Diego was busy all the next day, but he came to the Academy late the next night after his patrol, climbing through the window of his old bedroom.

Honestly, for all his flippancy, he was concerned about Five. If Viagra commercials said to go to the doctor after four hours of having an erection, he could only imagine what a few days of one could signify.

It was nearly three in the morning, but he heard voices from the room next door – Klaus’s room – and he realized with a lurch that Five might have listened to him when he’d suggested…

Well, that was Five’s choice. He’d asked, and Diego had rejected him, and it was completely within his rights to decide to settle for the next best thing.

That image came back to his mind, the same one that had tormented him on and off from the start of the whole thing. Five, eyes glassy with unshed tears, biting his lip and vainly stroking his cock, helpless and turned on and desperate. What was it about that image? Diego still didn’t know.

But shit, he’d been living like this for days. Diego would have let a vacuum cleaner suck him off, after that long.

He punched his pillow into shape, burying his scowl in it.

He never took long to fall asleep, trained by Reginald into military efficiency, and he was dead to the world when the door creaked open later. The same military efficiency kicked him awake like a jolt from a defibrillator. He cracked his eyes open just a sliver, watching in the dim light as a figure slunk towards him.

He didn’t stir, letting Five pad across the room towards him, letting him crawl into the bed and press himself against Diego’s side and roll his hips forward so the hot hard line of his cock rubbed against his thigh.

Diego smiled a little, the tangle in his chest smoothing out. “Some seriously dubious consent here, dude,” he murmured, yawning.

“I know you’re a light sleeper,” Five replied. His voice was shaking, and it was that –

That and the fact that Five _hadn’t_ fucked Klaus, if he was still this hard against Diego’s thigh –

That had Diego turning and manhandling Five up into his lap, knees straddling Diego’s waist. “You need it?”

“I need it,” Five said, “please, I need…”

“Yeah,” Diego said, and shoved down Five’s pajama pants, wrapping a hand around his bare cock.

Five _shattered_ , just melted into a fucking puddle on top of him, going completely, beautifully pliant. “Oh, shit,” he said drunkenly.

Somewhere in the back of Diego’s mind, it clicked. That image, why it resonated with him so much.

The vulnerability.

Five was never vulnerable, not with Diego and not with anyone. For all that he had the face of a particularly handsome Victorian schoolboy, he was more lethal than anyone Diego knew and well aware of it. He hated condescension, hated being handled like a child, hated any hint of being treated as anything less than the vicious killer he was.

Which was both why the image was so captivating to him, and so forbidden. He felt guiltier thinking about Five with all his walls broken down than anything else in this moment.

But Five had come to him anyway. Had climbed into his bed and said _please_. And yeah, it was because he was so dismantled by those stupid boner pills, but he hadn’t gone to anyone else with it. Diego was still the one he’d let in.

That was pretty nice, Diego thought.

“Look at you,” Diego said, twisting his wrist as he worked Five’s cock, watching the way he squirmed into it. Five seemed incapable of following the pace he was setting, too overwhelmed to move with him. “Christ, sweetheart, what a fucking picture.”

Five whined, eyes scrunching up and face flushing prettily. He braced his weight on Diego’s chest, fingers twisting in Diego’s shirt. Which hurt like a bitch, actually, because Five was leaning right against a massive bruise on his ribs, but Diego wasn’t about to stop for something like that.

“Yeah, yeah, just like that,” Diego crooned, grinding his palm against the head of Five’s cock, callouses rough against the sensitive slit. “You gonna come for me, pretty one? God, you need it so fucking bad, don’t you?”

“You already know – the answer to that,” Five said breathlessly, rolling his hips forward.

Diego’s hand was dripping with so much pre-come he almost thought Five had already gotten off, but then Five’s breathing went hitched and his hips stuttered and Diego knew he had seconds left, so he tightened his grip. Five cried out, a captivating sound of the purest, sweetest relief, and Diego drew out his release in long, ropey spurts. He’d never seen so much jizz in his life, and it just kept coming like something out of bad porn, coating Diego’s undershirt.

Finally, Five’s moans turned to whimpers of oversensitivity, and Diego released him, wiping his hand on his already disgusting shirt. “You’re still hard,” he commented.

“Feels so much better though,” Five slurred. “Doesn’t hurt anymore.” He slumped onto Diego’s chest.

Diego bit the inside of his cheek to stifle a groan, shifting him off of the worst of the bruise. “You’re gonna get come in your hair.”

“Remind me of that when I care again,” Five said.

Diego chuckled, sweeping his clean hand up and down Five’s back. He tilted Five’s face up to his with a finger under his chin, and Five allowed it, pliable under his hand.

His feverish flush had faded to a rosier hue, and his body had settled, no longer trembling against Diego. The wildness was gone from his eyes. Five had made a damned pornographic sight under the worst throes of the aphrodisiac, but there was something nice about seeing him regain some degree of his normal composure.

After a few minutes, Five shifted. “You’re hard too,” he said.

“Yeah,” Diego said. “That’ll happen when your hot brother climbs in your lap and grinds all over your dick.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Five said, sitting up and smirking at Diego. “Do you want – What was that?”

Diego hadn’t managed to mask his hiss, and Five looked at him suspiciously. “Bruise,” Diego managed.

Five lifted up Diego’s soiled shirt, eyes going wide at the bruise on his ribs, either at the enormity of it or the purple-black color, or likelier both. “What happened?”

“Got thrown into a pipe,” Diego said. “S’fine, I’m a quick healer.”

Five frowned. He felt along the side of the bed, and before Diego could stop him he’d unearthed one of Diego’s hidden knives and sliced through his shirt so it parted in two pieces over his naked chest.

For the past few days, Five’s gaze had been dark with lust and frustration, that deep brown gone nearly black. His eyes were dark now too, but in a different way.

“It’s a bruise,” Diego said. “Don’t overreact.”

“That’s a bruise,” Five said, prodding it with his fingertips; Diego flinched and swore. “Whereas this was a gunshot, this was a knife, this was… I don’t even know.” He looked up at Diego.

“Dog bite,” Diego said. “German Shepherd.”

“I see,” Five said tonelessly. “Is this why you prefer not to go shirtless?”

Diego shoved him off, abruptly annoyed. “I like my scars,” he said, standing up and peeling off his ruined shirt to toss in the trash. He searched through his dresser for any other shirts he’d left there. “I’m not hiding shit. It’s just easier than answering questions.”

“What a poignant insight into your psyche,” Five said.

Diego flipped him off over his shoulder. “Girls like ‘em.”

“No one questions that you’re a chick magnet,” Five said. “Do girls like the nipple ring too?”

“Haven’t heard any complaints,” Diego said. He pulled on a t-shirt.

Five gave a derisive sound.

Fuck, what were they even arguing about? There were so many different tendrils Diego couldn’t keep track. “What, you’re jealous I get laid?” Diego said. “And you’re pissed off that I keep going out even though it’s dangerous, and you still don’t want to admit I don’t need you as much as you think I do. Am I missing anything?”

“No, that’s about the meat of it,” Five said, full of acid.

“Well, get over it,” Diego said. He didn’t mean to sound dismissive, but he also didn’t want to give Five any false impression that anything was going to change.

Five huffed.

“Seriously, kid,” Diego said. “Get a dog if you want someone to nanny, because it’s not going to be me.”

“You could not be missing the point more if you tried,” Five said, sneered at him for good measure, and vanished.

Diego sat on his bed and dropped his head into his hands with a groan.

Diego didn’t see Allison when he pulled up to the curb at the airport, and he shifted into neutral and leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes.

He startled when the passenger door opened only a second later, Allison sliding in and leaning across to kiss his cheek. “Thanks for picking me up. Sorry if you were busy, no one answered at the Academy when I rang.”

“S’fine,” Diego said. “Where the fuck did you come from?”

Allison furrowed her brow. “Um, Los Angeles…?”

“No, like right now,” Diego said, shifting into first and pulling away from the curb. “I didn’t see you.”

“I’m Allison Hargreeves, love, I’m very good at hiding in plain sight,” Allison said, smirking at him.

“Lifestyles of the rich and famous,” Diego said under his breath.

Allison sighed, pushing her giant sunglasses onto the top of her head. “I mean, why do you think I’m here?”

Diego almost made a joke about how seeing her family ranked after fleeing the paparazzi, but he stopped himself in time. Allison was worn thin enough already, bouncing back and forth from LA, trying to fit visits to see them into her ongoing efforts to spend quality time with Claire… He didn’t need to pile onto that. 

“Short notice, huh?” he said instead. “You just decide to fly out on a whim?”

“Yeah,” Allison said quietly, twisting a napkin she found on his floor with her fingers. “My plans for this weekend fell through.”

Diego recognized that tone of voice. “Shit,” he said. “That fucking sucks.”

“It’s okay, really,” she said, and it sounded genuine. “The good thing about the world nearly ending is that I have a real sense of perspective about how much worse things can be. It’s getting better.” She smiled. “We went to Disneyland together last week. Spent the whole day there.”

“Yeah?” Diego said. “Good.”

Allison nodded. “You don’t have to feel too sorry for me.” Her smile turned wry. “I brought this upon myself and I know it.”

“That doesn’t mean you should be punished for it forever.”

“Maybe it does,” she mused aloud. “That’s what happens when you hurt other people. You lose them.”

“Yeah, but there are degrees,” Diego said. “I mean, she’s your _kid_.”

Allison looked out the window, her voice going distant. “But I wasn’t treating her that way. I was making unilateral decisions for her without caring about their effect on her.”

“But you see that now,” Diego countered. “You’re not gonna do it again.”

“But how can Patrick trust that?” Allison retorted. “I don’t know, I guess… Sometimes there are things you can’t take back.”

Diego didn’t like to think about that. “But it’s getting better.”

“Yeah,” Allison said softly. “It’s getting better.”

Shit was still weird between Diego and Vanya, but shit was always weird between them, and it wasn’t enough to keep him from tracking her down. She knew Five better than anyone, she probably had some insight.

He waited for her outside her orchestra practice. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday she did orchestra; Tuesday and Thursday she skipped the pills and practiced her powers. Five was the one helping her train, or Diego would have just come to find her at the Academy the next day.

“Hey,” he said, standing from the bench as she came down the steps with her violin case slung over her shoulder. “Coffee?”

She accepted it, shooting him a wary look. He couldn’t blame her for that.

“It’s about Five,” he said.

Vanya relaxed. “What about him?”

“Has he been weird with you also?”

“Weird how?” she said slowly.

Diego scratched his neck. “Overprotective, I guess?”

“Diego, every member of our family goes tripping over themselves to check on me when I so much as sneeze,” Vanya said. “I have no standard of reference for overprotective.”

Diego winced. “That’s… fair.”

“Five has been particularly watchful,” she admitted. “But… can you blame him?”

He raised his eyebrows.

“He had to bury our…” She closed her eyes, tried again. “Your bodies, then spent 45 years alone in a wasteland. You don’t come out the other side of that well-adjusted.”

Diego thought about this.

“I’m not surprised he’s worried about you in particular, you’re the only of us that seeks out danger instead of avoiding it,” Vanya said. She raised her hands. “And I know, you can take care of yourself, but are you really going to tell me there haven’t been times that you’ve come within inches of death?”

“Of course there have,” Diego said. Inches, seconds, ounces…

Vanya shrugged. “He’s scared. You don’t make it easy to care about you.”

“I’ve heard that before,” Diego said quietly.

Eudora had been the one to break up with him, but he’d pushed her to it, he knew. What had she said? _You’re the one making this choice, not me_.

“I bet you have,” Vanya said.

Diego went back to the Academy. Five’s room was empty and Luther and Klaus didn’t have any ideas, so he’d nearly given up when he stumbled across Five on the roof, leaning against a brick chimney looking out over the cityscape.

Diego paused, taking in Five’s silhouette – his fine, aristocratic features, the bow of his lips and the graceful sweep of his hair. To no one’s surprise, Five’s boyish prettiness had aged with him; as a boy he’d been cute, and as a man he turned heads on the street.

“Hey,” Diego said, coming over.

Five turned his head, eyeing him warily.

Diego sat down next to Five, close enough to feel his trembling. Five started to lean into him, then jerked away, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to come that close.

“Alright, c’mere,” Diego said, hauling Five into his lap. Five seemed like he might resist for a moment, and Diego prepared for him to teleport out of his grip, but then all the fight went out of him in a rush and he melted against Diego.

“Hey, hey,” Diego crooned, as Five buried his face in his neck and panted into it, breath hot and damp. “There’s my sweetheart, just like that.”

“Are you going to make me say it?” Five said thickly, hovering on his knees as he kept his cock from rubbing against Diego, uncharacteristically awkward for such a nymph of a boy.

“No.”

Five groaned with relief and rolled his hips forward, riding his cock along Diego’s thigh, the heat of it emanating through all the layers of their clothes.

“You could have found someone else,” Diego said, unbuttoning Five’s slacks and sliding one hand down the front and one down the back. He wrapped his fingers around Five’s cock, rubbing over his hole at the same time.

“Didn’t – want –” Five managed to get out.

Diego smiled, nudging Five’s face up with his nose and kissing his forehead, his cheek, his jaw, then finally landing on his lips, settling in there for a series of kisses, each greedier than the last. Five was gasping when he finally released him, eyes shiny enough to mimic the sheen of tears.

“So what was your plan?” Diego asked, licking his palm then taking Five’s cock back in his hand, drawing a cracked sound of pure need out of him. “Live like this forever? Constant state of priapism for the rest of your miserable life?”

Five’s dark, pretty eyes peeked up at him through his curtain of hair. “You know what that is?”

“I looked it up,” Diego said.

Five laughed breathlessly. “I knew you’d fold eventually,” he said in a confiding tone.

“You know, I think I might be busy after all,” Diego said, starting to draw away.

Five grabbed his collar with both hands, dragging him back in for a furious kiss. “ _Don’t_ ,” he said, glaring and biting at Diego’s lower lip. “Don’t you dare.”

Diego smiled. “Think you can get us downstairs like this?”

Five’s expression was insulted, in the brief glimpse Diego saw of it before the world went blue around him.

Five took them to Diego’s bed, which made Diego’s chest clench in a new and pleasant sort of way. “Good boy,” he said, turning and laying Five out on the bed underneath him, the most gorgeous tableau.

Five snorted. “I don’t have a praise kink.”

“No praise kink, no scar kink… You’re really nixing all of my mainstays,” Diego said mildly, undressing Five. “What _are_ your kinks?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“Maybe I don’t have any,” Five said.

“Maybe you just haven’t found them yet,” Diego countered, slinging Five’s leg over his shoulder and pressing a kiss to his inner thigh.

“Effectively, there’s no difference,” Five said. “The practical implications are the same.”

“Say that again in two seconds,” Diego said.

“Say wha – _OH_ ,” Five said, back arching off the bed in a delicious bow when Diego sank his mouth down over his cock, sinking down so the entire thing was sheathed in his throat.

“Ah, ah!” Five cried, bucking wildly until Diego threw an arm over his hips to keep him pinned, then quivering deliciously in place.

He buried his hands in Diego’s hair and twisted, and Diego rumbled a moan and looked up at him, fascinated by his expression of almost tortured pleasure. If he hadn’t known the circumstances, Diego would have thought he was faking it. It seemed like he was being raptured right then and there.

“Please, please,” Five begged, hooking his knee over Diego’s shoulder and digging his heel hard into his back. “ _Please,_ let me…”

“I ah,” Diego mumbled around his cock, not sure what more Five wanted from him. Then he closed his eyes and focused, because he wasn’t practiced enough at blowjobs for this kind of advanced move without all his concentration.

He released Five’s hips, and Five immediately undulated up – there was no other word for it – and forced his cock deeper into Diego’s mouth, riding his face with abandon. Diego swallowed back the thick, ropey saliva that gathered, throat clicking from the struggle, but he didn’t fight Five’s grip and it was only a handful more seconds before Five gave that sweet, relieved cry. His cock twitched, spilling so far back Diego couldn’t even taste it as he swallowed it down.

Five collapsed back on the bed, utterly limp. “Oh,” he said, dazedly. “Were we talking about something?”

“Nothing important,” Diego said, voice rough. He mopped off his face with his shirt. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

“So good,” Five said, touching Diego’s cheek. “Shit, Diego…”

“Good,” Diego said, turning his face and scraping his teeth over Five’s palm. “But I think you got one more in you.”

Five nodded. “Are you going to fuck me?”

“D’you want me to?”

Five spread his legs in answer.

Five gave the most incredible whimpering sound when Diego slid inside him. His fingers kneaded in the sheets, knees sliding apart.

Diego had put him on his hands and knees to tongue him messily open, and Five had stayed there until Diego started pressing his dick inside. Then his arms collapsed out from under him, mashing his face into the pillow – which Diego wasn’t complaining about, the way it accentuated the curve of his ass.

“Christ,” Diego said, grabbing both cheeks and squeezing, getting two perfect handfuls. “Your entire existence is such a cocktease, pretty thing.”

“Can you really, nnh, call it a tease when you’ve got – ah! – your entire cock inside me?” Five managed.

“Half,” Diego said.

“That’s _half?”_ Five yelped.

Diego chuckled, pressing inexorably forward. “You like it?”

Five gave a strangled sound as Diego bottomed out.

“That’s all,” Diego said, swiveling his hips without pulling out, letting Five adjust. “How’s it feel?”

Five shook his head.

“Hey,” Diego said, smacking his ass lightly. “I want an answer, sweetheart.”

“I’m not going to feed you bad porn lines,” Five snapped back. “It feels like I’ve got a fucking dick up my ass, that’s what it fucking feels like.”

“That much, huh?” Diego said, starting to rock in and out, just a little.

Five gasped, lashing his hand out and grabbing onto the headboard of the bed.

“Just tell me if it’s good,” Diego said. “I need to know that.” He frowned at the tension in Five’s shoulders.

Five made a noise that he couldn’t interpret, high and shuddering.

“Five,” Diego said, starting to pull out.

Five slammed back with him, following Diego’s dick so he couldn’t withdraw. “It’s good!” he said. “Diego…”

Diego’s mouth dropped open. “Are you crying?”

Five inhaled shakily. “It’s good,” he choked out, and yeah, he was definitely crying. No wonder he hadn’t wanted to talk. “It’s – a lot. Just keep – please, Diego…”

“Oh my god,” Diego said, and what was left of his restraint dissolved completely.

He couldn’t imagine what the last few days had been like for Five. The feverish desire he must have felt, the hunger that kept him up at night, the fraught tension of every waking moment – body craving something he wasn’t getting, all of his careful composure broken under the weight of his all-consuming need. It was beyond Diego’s comprehension.

But if it was anything like the way Diego felt right then, then his already monumental level of respect for Five was swelling in size, because Diego couldn’t have lasted for an hour without breaking down, much less four days.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he said, and twisted his fingers in Five’s soft hair, clamping the other hand on his hip. He pulled out and shoved back in, forcing a broken cry from Five.

Five actually started biting the pillow, which was hotter than Diego could handle. “More,” Five said, muffled against it.

“Yeah,” Diego said, and set a hard, shallow pace, fucking forward into Five and knocking the sweetest little hitched cries out of him every time.

“Oh, fuck!” Five said, circling his hips needily.

Diego cursed and jammed his knees harder between Five’s, giving himself the leverage to really blow his back out, that pretty ass rippling with every brutal thrust. Five turned his head, peeking back at Diego with tears still leaking from his one visible eye, spit-slick pillowcase caught between his teeth.

That image was going to feature in Diego’s fucking dreams. “Five,” Diego said, reaching down and wrapping a hand around Five’s cock. He plastered himself to Five’s back, speaking right into his ear. “Let go,” he said. “Let me feel it, pretty babe.”

Five _sobbed_ , ass clenching almost painfully tight around Diego’s cock, his own cock jerking in Diego’s hand as he came, and came, and came. And then he was done, his body gone syrupy-sweet, dick finally softening in Diego’s hand.

“Feels good?” Diego murmured.

“You have no idea,” Five breathed out, eyes closed.

Diego pressed a kiss between his shoulders. He slid his hand up and over Five’s ribs, feeling as the heaving of his breath slowed gradually.

Then, “Mm, well, thank you,” Five said, squirming out from beneath Diego.

“Wait, hold up,” Diego said.

“You were very helpful,” Five said, turning around and facing Diego at the head of the bed.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You’re shitting me, right?” Diego sat back on his heels, scowling.

Five cocked his head.

“I helped you!” Diego said. “I didn’t have to do that!”

“Yeah, after tormenting me for days,” Five said.

“I didn’t even make you admit anything!” Diego said. He pointed to his still rock-hard dick. “You’re fucking leaving me like this?”

Five blinked at him.

“Five, you little shit, this is not bros behavior,” Diego said. “You owe me.”

“Bros behavior?” Five said, starting to smile. “What is _bros behavior?_ Please explain.”

Diego growled, grabbing Five by the ankle and jerking him over. Five let him, which soothed Diego somewhat. Five, the little fuck, was just messing with him, which was miles better than Five genuinely not seeing a problem with leaving him like that.

“Get your skinny ass over here,” he said, shouldering between Five’s legs, “and take this dick.”

“God, you are so corny,” Five said, laughing even as Diego pressed him back, throwing Five’s legs over his forearms and leaning forward so his knees were pushed back towards his shoulders.

The angle was all different when he slid inside, tighter and shallower, and Diego groaned as he fucked into Five, turning his laughter into rough stilted breaths and creasing his lovely face with tension again.

“Too much?” Diego grunted.

“I can take it,” Five ground out. “Just – hurry –”

“No worries there,” Diego said, because the break in momentum hadn’t abated his need in the slightest – he was immediately nearing his peak again, gut coiling with it.

Five bit his lower lip, pressing his head back into the pillow, baring his neck in an arch.

“So close, sweetheart,” Diego ground out, shoving forward into Five, chasing the release that dangled tantalizingly in front of him.

“Ah, fuck,” Five said, reaching up and twining his fingers in the headboard again. He only left it there for a moment before moving that same hand down, grabbing Diego’s shoulder and digging his fingernails in.

Diego was already just on the precipice, but that sharp pinprick sensation pushed him over, and he cursed as he spilled inside Five, hips jerking a handful of times before he stilled. He pulled out slowly, his come dribbling out.

“S’gonna be so much laundry,” Five mumbled, letting his legs drop down.

“More if you hadn’t cut through my shirt,” Diego said.

Five waved his hand. “That was yesterday. Get over it.”

Diego flicked his nipple.

Five blinked his eyes open. “Hey.” He didn’t even try to sound upset, though. He idly traced his finger over Diego’s stubbled jaw. “You know, you really like pet-names.”

Diego winced. “Not your thing?”

Five thought about this. “I like that you like them,” he said after a minute.

This made Diego’s heart do that strange, not-unpleasant clenching thing again. “Still haven’t found your kinks, huh?” he said, once he was sure he could trust his voice.

Five shrugged. “What are yours?”

“Pet-names aren’t a kink, but I like them,” Diego said thoughtfully. “Hair-pulling, biting… I like tying people up, taking my time with them. I like giving oral more than I like getting it.”

“No knives?” Five seemed surprised.

It was funny, Eudora always played armchair psychologist with him about it – she used to say he wouldn’t have done the vigilante thing unless he _wanted_ to be hurt. Klaus teased him about the same thing, called him Knife Daddy and made all kinds of lewd jokes about sado-masochism when he saw Diego in his harness. Like it was all some cheap Freudian bullshit – the knives were his penis, or whatever. The pain was the point.

That really wasn’t what it was all about, for Diego. He ran his tongue over his teeth. “No knives,” he said. “No pain.”

Five skimmed his hand down Diego’s chest to the bruise on his ribs. “Good,” he said. 

In his basement room in the boxing gym, Diego pulled on the last of his tactical gear and checked the clasps to make sure they were done up properly. He glanced at himself in the mirror, and touched his face when he saw his scowl in the reflection.

“Fuck off,” he said to himself.

He got in the car, turning it on but letting it idle. It wasn’t like he was going to stop patrolling just because Five was a little touchy about it.

He shifted into reverse and pulled out of the parking spot. Guilt was unproductive, so he just had to… get over it. He wasn’t achieving anything by dwelling on it.

At a stop light, he slammed his hand against the steering wheel. “Dammit!”

It was Eudora all over again, the wedge that he’d driven between them until she cracked. He already knew intimately the outcomes of the choices he was making, putting on the mask.

He couldn’t just put his life on hold because Five saw a different version of him die in a future that never happened. What the fuck difference did it make, anyway? He gripped the gear shift so tightly the leather of his gloves creaked, taking a turn a little too fast so his tires squealed.

Then, sighing, he made the turn into the alley, parking and turning the car off. He stomped upstairs.

Slamming the door open, he said, “Well?”

Five looked up from his book. “Excuse me?”

Diego crossed his arms. “Are you coming?”

Five stared at him.

“You going to keep an eye on my fine ass or what?” Diego said. “Personally, I don’t give a shit, this is a you thing. I’m heading out, it’s your call.” He turned around and walked out.

By the time he got downstairs, Five was in the passenger seat, loading a handgun. “So where are we going?” he asked. “If you don’t have any more urgent plans, I have a bone to pick with some drug-dealers.”

“I’m down with that,” Diego said, climbing into the driver’s side.


End file.
